Lord of the Wings : How it Really Happened
by Annie Freak
Summary: Our attempt at humour (but we hope you're scared). An alternative take on LotR.


Disclaimer: We don't own LotR or anything. Borrowing characters and storyline, will return later(hopefully not too badly maimed).  
  
Note: Two authors; Annie and Lexilee. Please read and reply. Credit given to Angeliwen (chinaangel@EarthLink.com) for starting this whole thing with her lovely caption at CoE, which will be included later in this story.  
  
IT COMMENCES  
  
[Setting: an old path outside bag end, leading down to a clearing where Bilbo's birthday party is currently taking place. The sounds of laughter and general party cheer can be heard and Frodo is half running, half stumbling down the path.]  
  
"I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date!" Frodo cried before he stumbled over a rock and fell flat on his face,   
"Ow!" he gasped, and then twisted suddenly, as the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end. It seemed to him that he was being watched.. No, hunted was more like it, but that was ridiculous! He pulled himself to his feet and began to brush the dirt from his clothes. Everyone was at Bilbo's party, even those who weren't invited. Everyone, that was, except for him. He had had a few problems with the buttoning of his velveteen waistcoat, which Merry had convinced him to wear. It was only appropriate to show that he was indeed capable of looking good, now that he had come of age. Hearing a rustling behind him he swiftly spun around, only to be unbalanced by the sudden movement and to fall over again. An evil snicker came from the bush but Frodo did not hear it, as he was looking skyward, distracted by the amazing fireworks display Gandalf had obviously just begun. Leaping to his feet, Frodo skipped down the path towards the party, forgetting the paralysing fear he had felt a minute ago and instead focussing on the food he would be eating, the ale he would be drinking and the long night full of fun that was ahead of him. The path was once again silent except from the noise that carried from the clearing of Bilbo's party. There was a voice however, that no one heard,   
"Yes, skip away little hobbit- skip away! But know this: it will be mine, oh yes, it will be mine!" The air quivered in fear.  
  
  
[At the party now, and while Bilbo is telling children a tale of trolls, Gandalf is setting off beautious fireworks. Everyone is in a good mood, whilst Merry and Pippin sneak up to Gandalf's cart.]  
  
Merry and Pippin crept out from the tent, eyeing their surroundings.   
"All clear!", whispered Merry and gave Pippin a boost into the cart.   
"Wee!" exclaimed Pippin as he dived into Gandalf's stash and hunted around for a firework and emerging holding a sparkler.   
"How about this one?" Pip questioned, and was promptly hit over the head.   
"Not that one; the big, yellow one! Yeah, that one!" and with that they hurried back into the tent.  
  
Pippin had lit the firework and was obviously fairly happy with himself,   
"There!"   
"You're supposed to stick it in the ground!" exclaimed Merry.  
"It is in the ground!"   
"Outside!"   
"This was your idea!" The firework went off, taking the roof of the tent with it, and leaving a stunned Merry and Pippin flat on the ground, covered in soot. The firework went straight up, and then sprouted two short but powerful wings and a sort of beak. It flew high and then dived low, down over the crowd. Frodo saw it coming and tried to warn Bilbo,   
"Bilbo, watch out for the.. weird bird thing!" Frodo cried, lunging towards Bilbo but missing him and instead falling into a table.   
"Nonsense; weird bird thing? Yeah, right!" But before he could finish Frodo lunged at him again, and they fell to the floor amongst other hobbits all avoiding the bird thing, which, having given everyone a good scare, dissolved into a spectacular shower of sparks. The hobbits let out a collective gasp of approval and began to laugh and chatter again. Only Frodo held onto the idea of the weird bird thing,   
"Gandalf?" He questioned his wizened friend, "What was that?"   
"Oh," Gandalf chuckled. "That. Only a mythical creature typical to the folk tales of the dwarfs." Frodo just looked at him, puzzled. Gandalf cleared his throat,   
"I wasn't going to use it because I feared that the reaction would be like this. Then again, it wasn't me who set it off." He promptly stepped between tents to find two hobbits lying stunned and covered in black soot.   
"Brilliant!" said one of them.   
"Let's get another one!" the other replied. Gandalf reached down and seized their ears,   
"Meriadoc Brandybuck and Peregrin Took; I should have known." 


End file.
